Many times our culture focuses on only two outcomes, winning and losing.  We are taught from the time we were children that these two outcomes define a moment, a day, a year or even a life time.  Many of us are still lamenting over a moment when we lost or failed and it still carries the sting of failure as if it happened yesterday.  That moment does not serve to inspire us. It makes us insecure, shrink and to get caught in a shame storm.  It is time to put that moment in its right place, as a learning experience when we took a chance to be brave. Let’s create opportunities for new moments that offer growth and the strength to weather the ups and downs of daring.  No one who is successful did so without falling. They all experienced the lab of life. Resilience means to persevere and be diligent in the face of setbacks.  It is a word that carries so much weight because it takes a piece of your heart to do it.    It requires that you push past the stories you made up about the incident and them.  It requires that you continue to see the…

It is 2016 and we are looking at a new year and so many options on how to use it. I don’t know about you but I am looking for something different this year. I want something more than a New Year’s resolution. There is nothing wrong with a resolution which means a decision or determination. But they seem so fragile and easy to break. They also have a tendency to have a foundation in scarcity meaning they have a basis in ‘not enough’ which creates angst, anxiety and comparison.   I am not skinny enough, so I want to lose weight… so I can look 20 again I am not smart enough, so I need another degree to keep up The low energy that a scarcity goal generates cannot provide enough fuel for a significant life change. It is not a ‘starter’ and it does not create a new story. No wonder resolutions don’t last! Read More…

I remember how terrified I was to get up in front of people and speak.  The sweating, knot in my stomach out of body experience it was.  It still gives me a jolt but in a different way because my perspective is different.  Same person, different view.  I have been able to recognize self-judgement and crisping criticism and replace it with good enough and embracing imperfection.  I wrote this poem for my first Toastmaster speech and it gave me the courage to do it scared and I have not looked back. A Butterfly I Will Be I’m standing at the lectern And all eyes are on me My throat is dry and my hands are shaking, But I say…a butterfly I will be. I’ve really decided to do this. I can’t believe I agreed, But I’ve cancelled can’t and am now willing. A butterfly I will be. It’s getting a little easier. The audience is not the enemy. I believe I am making a cocoon. A butterfly I will be. Then one day, I feel different. I still feel you looking at me. And to my surprise, I see you see Not a caterpillar, but a butterfly, standing in front…

‘Who Killed Summer Vacation’ has made the June cover of Time magazine.  Each year Americans are taking less and less vacation with more and more demanding work schedules and responsibilities.  The end result is an overworked you that does not produce your best work and life ‘outside’ of work takes a hit.  I am a big fan of hard work, but constant striving with no release is a recipe for chronic exhaustion and mental depletion.  We work better when we have an opportunity to unplug and refresh.  Through the years, we adopted the mindset of rewarding exhaustion and ignoring the costs.  It is time to let go of exhaustion as a status symbol.  The Time article supports the issue that we are leaning more and more into burnout and creating a ‘no-vacation nation’ with 61% of those surveyed planning to work during their time off, 40% siting being overworked as the main reason for skipping vacation and $52.4 billion total of free work hours racked up in 2013 for vacation days not taken and lost.   So: Take your paid time off – companies ARE providing the opportunity; you can reverse this trend Your work and YOU are better when you…

What’s going on? According to an article published in the LA Times in February, computing jobs will increase to 1.4 million by 2020, yet currently men outnumber women in the technical sector by 4:1. In 2008, Harvard Business Review conducted a study (which it updated in 2014) that found as many as 50% of women working in engineering and technology will leave over time citing a hostile work environment. In 2014, Fortune magazine interviewed 716 women who left the technology industry.  87.3% of this group indicated that they have no plans to return to the technology field.  Only 3% said they would definitely return.  In 2014, NPR cited that 40% of women with engineering degrees leave the profession or never enter the field.  Any time there is a talent drain of this magnitude, it is time to understand, and do something about it. The going, going, gone culture Women are not leaving because the work is too hard or too demanding.  Women are leaving the technology industry because of the culture – a culture they describe as hostile and isolating. Some of the behavior is overt and some is subtle. What does a Going, Going, Gone culture look like?  Women…

Bob Dylan was already rocking it out when I was born so I find my fascination with him intriguing.  I am attracted to the energy of inspiration and he has plenty of that.  I would dare to say eclectic energy that is unique, powerful and soulful.  He is a poet and a master.  It was a pleasant surprise to see Bob gracing the cover of The AARP magazine February/March edition.  I spent this lovely Monday morning reading the interview which is the first he has done in almost three years.  He talks about life in his 70s and his new album of standards, family and who and what inspired him.  One thing that I know for sure about Bob Dylan is that he knows what it means to go into the arena.  Through his long career that continues today, he steps through the door of the unknown sure of who he is but not always sure of what is beyond the door, but willing to courageously step in anyway.  And, he does it for the love of what he is passionate about and not for fame or fortune.  He inspires me because he lives with an open heart, imperfect, adventurous…

I have a confession to make. I am a ‘doing’ junkie. I love the ‘pursuit’ and the ‘getting’ but sometimes miss the joy of just being and seeing. I think it is a combination of my own wiring and conditioning that can blind me to the gifts that can be found in just being aware of what is right in front of me. How many precious miracles and opportunities can be missed by dashing to the next base? What could be if you decided to create a year of taking amazing steps (big and small) that bring you joy AND relish every second of each step as it builds towards the next. When you get the urge to prematurely move on, ask yourself “have I learned all I can and have I done all that I can do to make this moment magnificent?” If the answer is yes, move on. If no, look for the gift you were ready to leave behind. If there is anything that this long recession has taught me, it is to evaluate what is really important, to be more reflective and really see what is in front of me. A while ago, I heard the…

My mom has a 7th sense. It’s called worry and she is really good at it. Maybe even an expert. She can funnel out worry from any situation. The phone will ring and the conversation starts out as a friendly benign banter about nothing. How are you doing? What are you up to? What’s on your agenda today? But it soon takes a turn because of a pause in your answer or a tone what was not quite right. She heard something that makes her take out her ‘rod of knowing’ and she goes fishing for worry. She’s got tackle, bobbers and worms and prepares for the long haul for getting to the bottom of it so you can let her know what is really happening and how she can fix it. Try as you might to convince her you are good, the 6:00am call the next morning lets you know she was night fishing and couldn’t sleep. The truth is, if there was something going on and you told her that would be worse as her catastrophizing expands with more details. We laugh about it all the time. She knows she is a fisher and she is trying to…

Many of us have created lives that edge out worthiness and have replaced it with visions of perfection and ‘if onlys’. If only I was thinner, prettier, smarter, more accomplished, a better parent, a better partner…the list goes on. We have shellacked this way of thinking and have given it more acceptable names like driven, multi-tasker and high standards; but in doing so, we create an unattainable view of ourselves where ‘enough’ has no place and being happy with an imperfect you is not possible. That view can be a way of seeing other people too.   Read More

There are so many lessons to be learned from Dr. Martin Luther King, courage, love, commitment, faith,worthiness…perseverance.   In our disposable culture, it is easy to let hard things go and not flex our perseverance muscle.  We get comfortable with being comfortable.  It is usually the hard times that teach us the most about what we are capable of, giving us the courage to move forward even more determined than before…even if afraid.  One of the best things we can do is look beyond just a day dedicated to Dr. Martin Luther King and look for what what lessons he taught that we can take into our spirits to change who we are as people…persevere for the better.